I’m a girl, who wants a baby, who’s learned about heartbreak and loss along the way.
I’m 34 years old and live in Los Angeles with my husband and chihuahua. These past two years, I joined an all too silent group: women experiencing infertility and pregnancy loss.
I have suffered two miscarriages. The grief and devastation I experienced after each loss was beyond anything I could have anticipated. During my grieving process, I found significant comfort and support by reading about the experience of others, whether through forums, blogs, or in books, and it helped me to feel less alone.
This blog is a collection of writing, reflections, resources, and a sharing of my experience in the hopes of being one more voice in the community to let other women know they are not alone in their suffering.
I know there are countless couples out there that have have suffered much longer and gone through far worse than we have, and my heart goes out to all of them.
OUR STORY SO FAR
6.16.12: Our wedding day!
3.1.13: Take the official plunge into TTC.
6.15.13: First positive pregnancy test. Tears of joy!
6.21.13: Find out my best friend is also expecting, and our due dates are two days apart.
7.2.13: First ultrasound at 8 weeks. We hear a strong heartbeat, but are told our baby is measuring small (6w 3d).
7.7.13: I start bleeding. We rush to the emergency room. 4 hours later we are told we’ve lost the baby.
8.8.13: Get the ok to start TTC again.
11.1.13: Second positive pregnancy test. Cautious celebration.
11.12.13: I go in for an early 5 week ultrasound. All we see is a gestational sac.
12.2.13: Find out my sister-in-law is also expecting, and our due dates are two days apart.
12.3.13: I go in for an 8 week ultrasound. Still, we only see a gestational sac and confirm the pregnancy is not viable. We discuss options to terminate.
12.5.13: Arrive at the surgical center for a D&C. Spend the next few days recovering from the procedure. Spend much longer trying to recover emotionally.
12.15.13: Discuss testing options with my OBGYN. Blood is taken to test for chromosomal abnormalities and blood clotting disorders.
12.30.13: All tests come back normal. Am told we just need to try again and there’s no more testing to do.
1.6.14: See a perinatologist for a second opinion. Am told we just need to try again and there’s no more testing to do.
1.7.14: Talk to two other OBGYNs we are put in touch with through friends for a third and fourth opinion. Am told two more times we just need to try again and there’s no more testing to do.
1.10.14: Ignore all the doctors and take my husband to see a urologist. Have a semen analysis done. Have a sperm DNA fragmentation test done. Find out he has low sperm morphology and a varicocele. Find out he needs surgery to correct the varicocele.
2.7.14: My best friend gives birth. I feel grief as I pass the due date of my first baby.
2.16.14: My husband has surgery, followed by 2 weeks of recovery time.
2.26.14: Again, I ignore all the doctors and decide to see a fertility specialist. She says there’s still more testing I can do. She draws more blood to test for thyroid, TSH, FSH, Estradiol, AMH, Prolactin, Factor V Leiden, Antithrombin III, Protein C Activity, Protein S Activity, & Prothrombin Gene Mutation, as well as perform a saline sonogram. We discover I have high TSH (sub-clinical hypothyroidism) and a uterine septum. Schedule a hysteroscopy to surgically remove the septum.
4.17.14: Have the hysteroscopy to remove the uterine septum. Prescribed estrogen and progesterone to promote healing.
5.20.14: Return to the RE after my first cycle completed after the surgery. RE finds a cyst and says to take this cycle off from trying.
6.29.14: Return to the RE to see if my cyst is gone. It is! After 7 months we finally have the approval to start trying again. Prescribed progesterone suppositories to take for 14 days after ovulation, and instructed to take baby aspirin every day.
7.28.14: BFN. Talk to my RE and due to an upcoming change to our health insurance we decided to do an IUI while we still have full fertility coverage. Prescribed 5mg of Femara for CDs 3 – 7.
8.7.14: IUI #1 complete!
8.21.14: Big fat negative. IUI #1 failed.
8.26.14: Go in for a CD 2 scan to start IUI #2, only to learn that the Femara left me with a large cyst and we can no longer go forth with the IUI this cycle.
9.23.14: Follow up CD 3 scan to check on cyst. It’s gone! Approved to begin trying again. Turn down Femara and IUI and instead opt to try naturally.
9.29.14: I have an HSG performed, and it confirms that my tubes are clear and there is no scarring from the hysteroscopy or D&C.
10.13.14: BFP #3 at 10dpo!
11.3.14: 1st ultrasound, we see a healthy heartbeat of 124 and baby is measuring 6w4d.
11.10.14: 2nd ultrasound, baby is measuring 7w2d with a heartbeat of 155.
11.17.14: 3rd ultrasound, baby is measuring 8w2d with a heartbeat of 164.
11.24.14: 4th ultrasound, baby is measuring 9w3d with a heartbeat of 160. We officially graduate from our RE’s office and are released to a regular OB.
12.3.14: First appointment with the OB, who performs a 5th ultrasound. Baby is measuring 11w4d (a full 8 days ahead) with a heartbeat of 160.
12.11.14: NT scan at the perinatal diagnostic center for first trimester screening. Risk for downs syndrome comes back very low. Baby is measuring 12w2d with a heartbeat of 174.
2.5.15: 20 week anatomy scan. Baby is measuring in 80th percentile. All looks great, except for some slight concern over a bright spot on baby’s heart, which sometimes can be a soft marker for Downs Syndrome. Decide to take the MaterniT21 blood test, which came back normal.
4.4.15: 28 weeks and beginning of 3rd trimester!
6.28.15: We pass our official due date.
7.4.15: Our baby boy is born at 3:12am, weighing 8 pounds, 9 ounces and measuring 22 inches long. We are overjoyed and filled with gratitude for our healthy son.