on mother’s day

I came close to becoming a mother. Twice. Two positive pregnancy tests. One tiny beating heart. A child who should have been 3 months old today, the other, due in 8 weeks. This will be my first mother’s day since I lost those babies. I feel a connection to this day, from my brief time carrying my child, loving my child, making sacrifices for my child. But I also feel alienated, by this day and the celebration of what feels so elusive to me, an aching reminder of motherhood lost.

Happy Mother’s Day, to the moms who know what it feels like to love their baby from the first positive pregnancy test. Who have touched motherhood however briefly, and then had it ripped away. Who know what it’s like to lose what you already love so dearly. Who have carried in their wombs, but have yet to hold their baby.  Let’s make this a day to honor the amazing moms they will become.

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